The Husband is not understanding & is not happy with my propensity to teach the world at large the etiquette of driving, parking & walking. He has said on many occasions through the decades- "do you really have to teach everyone a lesson in how to drive?" Well, yes I do.
You have encountered them, I am sure. I have dubbed them Small Penis Drivers: seemingly highly testosteroned, very enraged male drivers that need to peel out from every stop, & drive very fast even on side streets, in driveways & around parking lots. They rev their engines at every pause & move their sports numbers & power cars with such startling, astounding masculinity, that one would never have surmised that they were unexceptionally endowed.
I left the underground parking garage of the office tower that I work in very carefully. To leave, I have to cross a busy side walk in a very active pedestrian zone, & being a frequent pedestrian, I am quite aware of how tough it can be to walk in downtown Portland. The garage exit makes a loud beeping sound as a car nears the sidewalk.
I found my lull in sidewalk activity, checked the street & turned right on to the 2 lane one-way street at the same time that a car turned right at the corner. This white Camaro sped up to at least 50 MPH, missed me by a centimeter, moved into the lane beside me honking his horn & barley missed hitting a group of pedestrians in the crosswalk. Such bad driving & such a bad citizen… I just had to let the driver know how unappreciated his driving skills were. Behind the Camaro at the stop light, I gave the driver a polite 10 sharp honks on my VW’s horn & a stern admonishing look.
My new driver friend peeled out at top speed again, & moved over a lane before the next stop light. He delighted me by lowering his passenger window, as I lowered my driver side window, & spitting out the words from his pimply, mullet covered, vein popping head, he said- “Fuck you, you fucking little cocksucking faggot! Fuck you! Faggot! Fuckin’ Faggot cocksucker! Fuck, fuck, fuck you! Faggot!”
My retort- “you were going at least 50 in a 20 MPH pedestrian zone, you missed me by an inch & you almost hit someone in the cross walk. You need to drive more safely. Oh… & as a faggot & an experienced cocksucker, I can absolutely guarantee that no gay man in the universe would ever want to suck you tiny itty-bitty limp dick. Believe me.” I turned right on to the freeway ramp & simply glowed with the aura from my good deed. I was surprised to later find his Algebra test on the ground near the incident.
I am a rather formal person & etiquette is not lost on me. This is a general inquiry, but I am going to give a concrete example. I met someone in 2009 that I liked a great deal. This gentleman is smart, talented, interesting, funny, & the Husband approves & likes him too. I have let this person know that meeting him, getting to know him, & sharing some of our experiences & opinions with him was a lovely thing. My dilemma? Is it bad manners to mention that you think someone is sexy/hot/desirable? Is it bad etiquette to mention to a new acquaintance that you think they are really swell in every way, you want to stay in touch & possibly become friends, & oh, by the way… you find them very fuckable? I am not talking about actually putting the moves on the person, but just adding that you find them engaged in your libido, & that is just another point on the check off list of traits you like about them?
