That Is The Most Hyperbole That I Have Ever Experienced In A Zillion Years!

February Arctic Blast!, complete with special graphics & theme music. 6am-noon, the networks' programing was preempted by local coverage of the crippling blizzard of 2011. The openly gay mayor of Portland held a press conference yesterday urging citizens to drive only if they really must & to consider public transportation. Schools were canceled. Businesses closed. In the end, we experienced the tiniest dusting of snow that lasted a couple of hours.

The view downtown early in the morning

I grew up in Eastern Washington, where it snowed several feet a season, with storms from Halloween to Easter. I took my initial drivers' test when I was 16, during a snow storm. We must give a good chuckle to the rest of our great country as Portland, Oregon grapples with the paralyzing flurries that stopped us cold. I am embarrassed. In fact I am more embarrassed than I have ever, ever been in my entire life!

 The view of the back garden at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. Note the impressive total snow fall.

The forecasters caledl it all wrong, as usual, but we are going to experience record setting cold in the next 48 hours. The most cold Arctic air that has ever blasted into Portland ever in the history of our city! I will most likely freeze to death!

Born On This Day- February 19th... Beautiful, Bodacious, Buxxom Beth Ditto

Portland has an interesting list of our local Rock celebrities including working members from: Modest Mouse, Sleater-Kinney, The Shins, Spoon, Pavement, The Dandy Warhols, Pink Martini,& the current PDX musical royalty- The Decemberists. My very own neighborhood is the home of provocative, powerful, plus-size punker & cover girl- Beth Ditto of the band- Gossip.

No wonder then that Ditto settled in NoPo. Mary Beth Patterson grew up in a 2-bedroom house in Arkansas, with her mother, 6 siblings & a heap full of stepfathers & relatives, at times there would be 12 people living in the tiny house. Her mother worked swing shift as a nurse in attempt to provide for them all. Ditto was left to her own devices, & she would sometimes shoot squirrels to eat. She would do well trying to survive in my back garden- Squirrel Central. Ditto claims that her childhood seems best summed up during a chance meeting with Bill Clinton, then governor of Arkansas: “I looked like some wild animal with bruises on my face & chocolate round my mouth. I asked him to sign my dollar bill & he said: ‘I think that’s illegal, little darlin’.’”


Desperate to make music, at 18 Ditto moved to Portland, Oregon & changed her name. Despite her bad ass voice, she wasn’t an overnight success. It took Gossip 4 albums to make it huge with Standing in the Way of Control in 2007. Being a punk is apparently no less demanding than being a fashionista. Ditto: “If you think fashion is snobby, go hang out with some punks. They are beyond elitist.”

She has been with the same woman- Freddie, for a decade+, though they don’t live together. Ditto: “We tried that once & it did not work. We got together when I was 19. I haven’t had any other experiences in my life... & I won’t.” But a surprising domesticity has crept in, as she recently bought herself a house in my neighborhood. I see her around, & of course I would like to make her acquaintance. Hanging out with Ditto at the many Portland Framers’ Markets would be hot. I would like to take her around to the neighborhood dive bars & music venues & we could determine who has the cheapest whiskey & best Tater Tots.


Ditto turns 30 today. Age & dress size.

Portland Is A Place Where Young People Go To Retire

May I share just a few photographs of some of my favorite sights around zany Portland?

The historic Kenton Firehouse in my neighborhood. I pass by it on dog walks & on my way to the MAX train. Built in 1912 & once housing horse-drawn fire wagons,  it was boarded up in 1959. Neighbors persuaded the city to let them restore the firehouse. They raised $500,000 & reinforced the brickwork, painted & added a new roof & kitchen. They reopened the firehouse for events in 1977. The top floor is the home of the a City of Portland Neighborhood services office. I really like the firehouse a bunch.

From the Max Train in Old Town/Chinatown

Portland has a wealth of vintage neon. I love a good dive bar. This one is in Southeast Portland, close to my company's HQ.

Downtown, close to what used to be the gay area- Vaseline Alley.

2 blocks from my work, They also offer malt liquor & porn.

A block away from work at the Start of the South Park Blocks

A block from Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. This spot recently went out of business, appearently from the lack of crowds on Wens.

Beer, Books, Bikes, Bands, Brews, Bakeries, Bears... Portland

The last 2 days have been a gift. After one of the coolest, wettest summers on record, with a growing season too short to have ripe tomatoes or pumpkins, Portland has enjoyed a glorious autumn. We had days in the 70s & 80s in October.The start of November has been a gift. Today is the 4th day of the month & it will 70+ & sunny. By a zany set of circumstances, I have a 5 days stretch with only one work day. Today, we will continue to put the garden to bed, but I plan to spend a big chunk of time just "being", & enjoying Post Apocalyptic Bohemia & feeling very fortunate to live in Portland, in my nutty neighborhood of Kenton. Tonight the husband is making a vegan feast, I am serving a special autumn cocktail, as we entertain Pony Boy & his BF- Special K for a Glee Marathon. During my staycation, I am hoping to exercise one of my most important maxims:" If to feels or tastes good; more is even gooder."

Today in Post Apocalyptic Bohemian History

Presented by our agent on the day our house became ours- October 8th, 2001. Click on the image to enlarge.

Living in our beloved little cottage in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle, we loved to visit Portland for shopping, dining, & adventure. In the late summer 2001, before the world changed forever, the Husband & I were in Portland visiting friends. We had recently been given news by our very good friends, former next-door-neighbors, & landlords, of a sizable & shocking rent increase. Shocking, because we had lived in the cottage for 15 years, paying low rent, but improving the property with major construction, new windows & doors, decks & walkways, & a stunning & imaginative garden that would stop people who were passing by.


The rent increase was offered up by our landlord friends, a couple who we spent holidays with, traveled with, & gave our hearts to. They had explained that since their move to Mexico, the landlords felt that they were forced to get the best possible rent & no longer afford us a “deal”. Distressing news in any light, but complicated by the announcement that they would also be doing major construction, jacking the 700 square foot hovel up to accommodate their new mother-in-law unit. They would use the new daylight basement apartment when they were in Seattle.


The Husband & I were none to thrilled to pay almost twice as much to live in a major construction zone. After 15 years, we began to question improving someone else’s equity, & we began to explore the possibility of owning our own home. I took a one day class on house purchasing. When we received notice that the amount of our pre-qualified mortgage would get us nothing in Seattle (we could possibly get a studio condo way north or south of the city), we were disheartened.


We loved our house & our neighborhood. The Husband & I had a 20 year history in Seattle. We had decades worth of friends & acquaintances. We had employment, friends, & memories. Discussing our situation while driving around on a visit to Portland, the Husband bolted from our automobile in order to grab the flyer from the Plexiglas holder on a for sale sign of a sweet Portland Victorian with a rose garden. This only confused us. Had the listing left off a zero? You could purchase a quality home on Portland, Oregon for $160,000? We felt as if we were in a haze as we motored around Portland. The Husband suddenly demanded- “stop the car, pull over, pull over! Oh my God, oh my God… we are gonna move to Portland!?!”


I came to ask a handsome interesting gentleman on Gay.com for suggestions & advice about moving & living in this beautiful & cool city. This man insisted that the1st step to relocating to Portland would be to engage Celia as my real estate agent. Celia, along with her charming girlfriend, remain friends to this day. She never seemed to mind picking me up in the morning at Portland’s Union Station, showing 10 houses, & getting me back to the train in time to go back to Seattle.


After a few tries of this method, I knew that the Husband would need to be involved in this important life decision. He joined me for 2 days of house hunting. We hated every house we viewed. We were completely discombobulated, not feeling that we lived in the Seattle cottage & not visualizing living in Portland. Celia, the agent: “well based on all the houses you have seen, which one can we get you into? I am not going to be able to show you your dream house. You need to get into a home, let it increase in value, & in a few years we can look for your next one, taking our time to you find that special home”. Hmm… we didn’t know that it worked like that. We chose the house that seemed to be the best blank slate; the cleanest, least offensive residence that we could move into being householders.


We picked Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. We made an offer, then a counter offer that was accepted by the seller. We didn’t love the house. We cried. The Husband returned to Seattle, & gave a month’s notice at his job. I continued to travel by train between the 2 cities to deal with the business of house buying.

The front door & walkway, summer 2010

9 years ago, on this very day, our house closed & I received the keys. I went to the Title Company office with Celia. I was shaking & crying as I signed paper after paper, as myself, & then as the Husband, as his power of attorney. It was frightening & emotional to purchase our 1st home without my man by my side. To add to the emotion, the next day was our 22nd anniversary, & we would not be together. He was living in our old world & I was starting my 1st day in our new world, but we were separated by 3 hours & a ton of doubt.

Happy Summer Solstice!

Summer came to us in that certain Portland, Oregon style: drizzly, damp, cool- with a high of 60 degrees, & with hope of better weather to come. The longest day of the year had the very shortest bursts of sunlight interrupting the grey & gloom. Post Apocalyptic Bohemia had began to resemble Cold Comfort Farm.

Post Apocalyptic Bohemia, living up to its name in Spring 2010.

There are some gratifying corners of the garden. Cornus Kousa is native to Japan, Korea & China. This small white flowering dogwood was given to us a sapling, as gift from our dear friends & best men at our wedding- Ken & Eiric, in memory of our recently deceased 1st dog- Baby. Baby was a terrier mix, & as a puppy she was almost shamefully cute. She grew to be a real broad though. The Husband described her as the Joan Blondell of the canine world. She was a blond, possessed of full hips that she swung from side to side as she walked, & Baby had a snappy way with a one liner. Her death at 13 from Cushing's Disease, seemed to early to us & we were inconsolable. The boys gave us the tree as her memorial, & it was one of the few plants that we dug up in the pouring rain on our last day in Seattle & transferred to our new garden in Portland. In late spring/early summer the tree is heavy with breathtakingly beautiful blizzard of white  flowers. It produces showy, stunning scarlet leaves in the early autumn, with  blood red berries appearing in the fall & winter attracting songbirds. That is a lot of show from one small tree, but then Baby had come to resemble an aging Vegas showgirl in her later years, complete with a deep raspy voice & a fur coat.

Blossoms from Baby's dogwood. Gone for 12 years, I still grieve. I love this reminder of the old broad.

What a show off the Clemitis Montana is when it gives us a cloud of heavenly white flowers. I had always believed that the hummingbirds are attracted to red flowers exclusively, but I have seen our hummer enjoying the nectar from this Clemitis.

Clemitis Montana... what a show off.

The husband recently re-worked the fountain in the garden pass-through room, & surrounded it with part of my Hosta collection. The fountain head is Bacchus, found by me in the garbage of the display department of the grand old, & now gone department store- Fredericks & Nelson's in downtown Seattle, where I worked for most of the 1980s. He is artifice, plaster & chicken wire made to look like stone.

The water from Bacchus' mouth flows into a tall pot from China. The Husband rigged a pot of hosta over the bowl of the pot, that is held up by bamboo sticks running through the pot. Ingenious, yes?

I am so ready for summer after the endless damp, depressing, depressive, dingy, dismal, dispiriting, doleful, downcast, & drab spring. I look forward to the husband sunning naked on the hot tub deck with Junior by his side (I have great photos of this frequent occurrence. I know the Husband would be furious if I posted one, but I am so very tempted. You readers would like to view that, wouldn't you?).

The Battle Of The Bulge

If you don't mind reading, getting a buzz on, or male bulges in Spandex, Portland is all about Books, Beer & Bikes. In any other city a "BIKER" would be a dude who rides a motorcycle & wears leather. Not in Portland.

Welcome Back, Steve!

After this post, I will give up on the subject, but because of the very helpful information, good humor, & best wishes from fellow bloggers & readers, I wanted to give one last Health Update, at least until the next catastrophe, disease, condition or incident. 3 weeks ago, a visit to the ER gave me a diagnosis of DVT (Deep Venous Thrombosis), a serious & dangerous condition of a massive blood clot in my leg. I had been treated with medications including a twice daily injection, administered by the beleaguered Husband. This was to be for 10 days, but lasted 18. I am happy to have given up the 2 visits a day from the little prick.


I still have 3 blood draws a week. I am still able to work on overcoming my fear of syringes & needles. I am on 6 medications. They look so darling all lined up in my special spot in the bathroom. I will be on Coumadin for the rest of my life & I am getting B12 shots (more needles!) twice a week. The physician claims it will take another 12 weeks for the clot to dissolve. I have a directive to the HR department of my company: I am to only be on my feet 2 hours a day & to have my foot elevated while working at my desk, no easy assignment. I also have the delight of wearing a special compression stocking. I am still ordered by my physician (who is from Vietnam & appears to be 14 years old), to spend as much time as possible on my back, with my legs up in the air. Has he been reading my diary?

This is my aesthetically pleasing, yet scary clinic, conveniently located in NoPo, on the MAX line

Because I am at heart, very shallow. I am now quite sad that in just a month, I have gone from being a man that people would declare- “Oh, you could not possibly be that old…you seem so young”, from regular gym-goer, from being in tune to the latest trends, to looking good & feeling confident... to now being perceived as Wilford Brimley’s stand-in.

I returned to work last week. My company provides a parking place in the underground parking of the office tower that I work in. To save on leg strain I was driving each day, but this is my 3rd day of returning to commuting by the MAX train to Downtown Portland. I had forgotten just how fun public transportation can be.

I am just short of needing professional help for OCD. I do have alphabetized CDs, categorized books & a color coded closet (darks to lights, solids to patterns, on wooden hangers facing the same direction). I am a bit compulsive about getting “my seat” on the train. It is at the forward section of the first car & is the only single seat on the MAX, guaranteeing absolution from the stinky, the talking to themselves & twitching set, & the loud cell phone users, & the teenagers. I become aggravated & anxious if I don’t get this seat. I almost always have a good chance of snagging it, being only the 2nd stop from the start of the line.

This morning my favorite seat was available, & despite being infirmed, I pushed through & tripped up other passengers to nab it. Safely settled in, & pulling out my book (I Shudder by Paul Runick) & Ipod from the murse, I felt a sense of relief until I saw her out of the corner of my eye. Despite the train being fairly wide open, she chose to sit right across the aisle from me. She arranged her things, including a saddle bag sized purse, whipped out her cell & announced to her caller that she "was leaving her no good man because she caught him smoking crack with that whore". I adjusted the volume on my Ipod. She then took off her shoes, hiked her skirt up, reached in her bag for the giant bottle of goo purchased at Costco & proceeded to moisturize or feet…for the entire trip.

They have this place called Starbucks in the Square. Ever heard of it?

My stop is Pioneer Courthouse Square. The Square was a gift to Portland on the city's birthday in April 6, 1984. Citizens of Portland were encouraged to donate personal bricks to the project. The City of Portland was aiming to build a social center. As the project grew, the area was flooded with investors looking to develop around the Square, making it the heart of downtown. The Square is nicknamed by the city – Portland’s Living Room, which it truly is, if your living room is populated with black clad anarchists with their ubiquitous pit bulls, passed out transients, Clear reps, scrubbed clean Scientologists with clipboards offering personality tests, crappy guitar players & screaming religious fanatics. It is like a living room actually… we had the same scene in our front room last week, for the Husband’s birthday party.

I am sharing a few photos of my return to my commuting routine.

Bad Santa

Rampaging Santas! By the hundreds! Drunk! They are outside of my store right now. Really! Santacon would like to issue a quick disclaimer: yes, it is Christmas oriented & in no way is it a kid friendly, PG-rated event. Santacon is the drunken parade of seemingly ordinary citizens in Santa suits bar hopping through Portland. It’s put on by the Portland Cacophony Society, the purveyors of Keep Portland Weird!, & has been going for over a decade. It’s about 12-14 hours of booze-fueled fun in the harsh December weather.

"Life is partly what we make it, & partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” Tennessee Wiliiams

The Bagdad Theatre (note the spelling), a great old movie house from Hollywood's Golden Age, on Hawthorne Blvd. Part of my "Steve's Tour".

I have only been blogging since January, but I have already made some really great friends & acquaintances with fellow bloggers. They are a very interesting & diverse set of characters. Earlier this summer, I met the fascinating, handsome & talented Will of Designerblog & his equally charming husband Fritz. I had worried a bit about loosing the magic or possibly disappointing Will by meeting in person. While on a visit to meet his brand new granddaughter in nearby Salem, we spent a lovely summer evening in our Boys’ Fort, getting to know each other & staying up late telling theatre stories. It was a lovely visit & I feel blessed to have new friends that live in New England. I look forward to seeing their house & compound some day.

The reservoir at Mt. Tabor in SE Portland. Mt. Tabor is a city park in a derelict volcano cone right in the middle of Portland.

Another blogger who I read every day- Mark of Tales Of The Sissy had introduced us, via email, to his good friends Jamie & Michael who were new to Portland after relocating from Washington DC. We had enjoyed sharing food & drinks with these 2 young men this summer. It is invigorating for 2 old guys to make friends with the younger set. They are a fun, opinionated & funny couple. Last night, we took the bold step of meeting blogger Mark & his handsome husband- Joe, who are visiting Portland from the Delaware seashore. We had marionberry martinis at the boy’s house in NE Portland & then went out for Thai food. Yesterday, I took the out-of-towners on a tour of “Stephen's Best of Portland”. I never enjoy my adopted city more than when showing it off to visitors. So far, meeting fellow bloggers in person has been an extra special treat. I enjoy hearing the stories of other people, their lives & experiences, & it is a really lovely to put a face, indeed a cute face, to the writer of a blog I read almost every day.

A "must" on any tour of Portland is the stunning Japanese Garden.

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
Tim McGraw

My Life Is A David Lynch Movie

When I get off the MAX train at my neighborhood stop, the first thing I encounter, & I mean this is right at the train stop, is Dancin’Bare, our neighborhood strip joint. The sign is amazing to me because, not only does this business have a name based on a not so clever pun (like so many of Portland’s Thai restaurants & nail salons), but do they have to really spell out the joke for you on the sign? Funny, huh?


As I cross the street where N. Interstate Ave & N. Denver Ave meet, I am greeted by a giant Paul Bunyon (recently added to the Nation Register of Historic Roadside Landmarks). He was built for a 1959 Lumber Expo held in the neighborhood. I think he is kinda hot. He was recently given a new paint job as part of a new neighborhood street improvement in my Kenton’s little downtown, which includes widened sidewalks, a bike lane, street art & new trees & plants.


I then cross N. Denver Ave to 7 Bucks a Whack. The Husband & I both get our haircut there by Darlene. Miss Darlene is in her 70s, with bleached blond hair piled high on her head. She wears a great deal of makeup, painted on brows & wears a satin black tube top & hot pants. She cuts hair with a cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth. As she puts on your apron she will announce in a deep cig & beer voice- “…what’ll it be baby? A number 1 buzz cut? You sure got a lot of hair for a bald guy.” Darlene lives nearby on a houseboat & has been in the neighborhood forever. She will give you a running commentary on the politics in the Kenton neighborhood. Her little dog –Elvis hangs out in the shop & is dressed up in a variety of outfits, including full biker gear. She told the Husband that she likes to have lunch at Dancin' Bare because- "baby, they got a delicious burger with fries for just $5!". Darleen does my hair, goatee & eyebrows, plus a floor show…. all for $7!



Other neighborhood highlights include a Victorian mansion that is lit up with Christmas lights all year, but sometimes not at all around Christmas & the lovely Laundro Mat. I am including a few other choice pieces of signs, graffiti & a note I found posted at the MAX stop. When I get off the train, I think- “ah, it is great to be home”.

Five Day Forecast For Portland... Too Darn Hot (& Not In A Good Way)

5-Day Forecast - PORTLAND
Today
High: 101°
Low: 67°
Hot

Tuesday
High: 104°
Low: 67°
Hot

Wednesday
High: 104°
Low: 64°
Hot

Thursday
High: 95°
Low: 64°
Hot

Friday
High: 92°
Low: 63°
Sunny

Portlanders Of Note

I have been pondering the Gus Van Sant’s birthday post, which made me riff on the cool & important artists, writers & filmmakers that call Portland home. Portland has become a hub for the young creatives & the city has an arty vibe. Portland is beer, bikes, music, books, films & excellent good cheap food. I have often held that NYC is the capitol of the world- but a terrible place to just get by in. Portland is a great town to just get by in. Among those who can stand the months of rain in the winter are:
Art Alexakis- member of Everclear
Ursula K. Le Guin- science fiction/fantasy author
Johnny Marr- former guitarist for The Smiths & current guitarist for Modest Mouse
Tom Spanbauer- author
Paul Dahlquist- photographer
Matthew Stadler- author
Tad Williams- gilder/artist
Will Vinton-claymation animator
Mike Justice- Filmmaker
Matt Groening- creator & writer of The Simpsons & Life In Hell
Chuck Palinchuk- author
Stephen Malkmus- musician for Pavement & The Jicks,
Todd Haynes- filmmaker
R. Rolfe- artist/designer
Katherine Dunn- author
members of: Sleater Kinney, The Shins, The Decemberists, Modest Mouse, Pink Martini, Dandy Warhols & Built To Spill.
& our very own Storm Large- actress & singer/songwriter for Storm Large & The Balls

I saw this first on one of my favorite blogs: Culture Shock, posted by my friend Portland blogger Mighty Toy Cannon

Why I Love Living In Portland From May-October

5-Day Forecast - PORTLAND

Today
High: 83°
Low: 57°
Mostly Sunny

Sunday
High: 79°
Low: 52°
Some Clouds

Monday
High: 81°
Low: 54°
Sunny

Tuesday
High: 78°
Low: 53°
Sunny

Wednesday
High: 79°
Low: 57°
Sunny

Photo #3 includes the Fox Tower, the building that I work in.
Photo #4 is my favorite structure in this city- the St. Johns Bridge in NoPo. I never get tired of seeing it.