2 Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But 3 Lefts Do

The Husband is not understanding & is not happy with my propensity to teach the world at large the etiquette of driving, parking & walking. He has said on many occasions through the decades- "do you really have to teach everyone a lesson in how to drive?" Well, yes I do.

You have encountered them, I am sure. I have dubbed them Small Penis Drivers: seemingly highly testosteroned, very enraged male drivers that need to peel out from every stop,  & drive very fast even on side streets, in driveways & around parking lots. They rev their engines at every pause & move their sports numbers & power cars with such startling, astounding masculinity, that one would never have surmised that they were unexceptionally endowed.

I left the underground parking garage of the office tower that I work in very carefully. To leave, I have to cross a busy side walk in a very active pedestrian zone, & being a frequent pedestrian, I am quite aware of how tough it can be to walk in downtown Portland. The garage exit makes a loud beeping sound as a car nears the sidewalk.

I found my lull in sidewalk activity, checked the street & turned right on to the 2 lane one-way street at the same time that a car turned right at the corner. This white Camaro sped up to at least 50 MPH, missed me by a centimeter, moved into the lane beside me honking his horn & barley missed hitting a group of pedestrians in the crosswalk. Such bad driving & such a bad citizen… I just had to let the driver know how unappreciated his driving skills were. Behind the Camaro at the stop light, I gave the driver a polite 10 sharp honks on my VW’s horn & a stern admonishing look.


My new driver friend peeled out at top speed again, & moved over a lane before the next stop light. He delighted me by lowering his passenger window, as I lowered my driver side window, & spitting out the words from his pimply, mullet covered, vein popping head, he said- “Fuck you, you fucking little cocksucking faggot! Fuck you! Faggot! Fuckin’ Faggot cocksucker! Fuck, fuck, fuck you! Faggot!”

My retort- “you were going at least 50 in a 20 MPH pedestrian zone, you missed me by an inch & you almost hit someone in the cross walk. You need to drive more safely. Oh… & as a faggot & an experienced cocksucker, I can absolutely guarantee that no gay man in the universe would ever want to suck you tiny itty-bitty limp dick. Believe me.” I turned right on to the freeway ramp & simply glowed with the aura from my good deed. I was surprised to later find his Algebra test on the ground near the incident.